REVOLUTION:A FANTASY(OR IS IT?).”Jeremy meets the Queen”: a homage to Catherine Warner’s “Mrs Thatcher’s Secret Diaries”. BY STEVEN BENSON.

Jeremy met

The Queen.

Did he kneal or

Bow;Didnt he

Kneal or Bow?

Who cares?

________________________________________________________

The new Leader of Her Majesty’s Official and Loyal{sic!} Opposition entered the state room, which was festering in its own otiose ornateness and redundancy. He was to be entered in to the Freemason-like echelons of the Privy Council.{Jeremy with defence secrets; heaven forfend!}.

“Ma’am”, he began,and  half -knealt (in an uncomfortable compromise between his principles and Royal protocol){luckily, even “The Sun” had not sneaked a camera in!}.

“Leader of the Opposition, delighted to meet you”, she oozed, sounding like an upmarket Robert Peston, and using her regal, mechanical voice.

She anointed him with a sceptre-type thingummy; “Congratulations, Mr. Corbyn”, she said, “on your election as Leader”.

Small, tedious talk ensued……..He Maj was filled with ennui, Jeremy was bored, thinking “Oh my God, what have I got myself into NOW?”{he was, at this  stage, still a reluctant, very surprised Leader!}.

Of course, HMQ had to take the conversational lead; it was protocol……

 

BUT< FUCK PROTOCOL:
With a noticeable dearth of any segue. the Queen(lets call her Elizabeth), aged 90. said suddenly, apropos of nothing:”I LIKE you, Jeremy; I REALLY like you: I have been following your progress assiduously. I KNOW you want to abolish me and the whole monarchy and replace us with an elected head of state(though I heard it’s a battle you are not currently minded to fight); but I LIKE you, Jeremy. I am VERY tired and VERY old(by the way, I LOVED your 90th birthday tribute to me: made me seem like a tough old bird, emblematic of my generation; it was SO statesmanlike, especially for a leftie.) Anyhow, I want to step down; I am desperate; but the pressure from my public( not unadjacent to the adulation you get from… what’s it called “Monumentum ” or something) and tetchy ancient Philip is IMMENSE. And Charles will make a useless, inappropriate KING, between you and me. I shall abdicate and we can end this charade of a monarchy. If I have to do THAT wave from my chariot again. I swear I shall use the mechanical arm they keep in reserve for my exhausted real hand.

“Jeremy, I LIKE you. Forgot all this pomp and circumstance for a moment and let us talk…..”

Jeremy stood in a state of shock and disbelief.

“Ma’am”, he stuttered…

“Drop the grovelling for a start she (almost) shouted back, feistily; you are Jeremy(I believe they call you “Jezz” or “Jezza”, a bit too Liverpool for me, that northern place I can never quite bring myself to visit); call ME Liz”.

And so Jeremy sat, on his plush chair and they chatted.

“Too many wars”, Liz said; “I like your ideas for stopping them; more rights for gays(half my staff, dear); more equal pay (I shall relinquish all my palaces except Buck House)… Thatcher, what a bitch, Blair , what a bitch, Cameron , what a wuss. But I LIKE you. Let’s make a deal: abolish me and the whole monarchy and, just before, I shall make you PM(I have ways!)”

“Liz”- Jeremy struggled to use the requested nomenclature-“that would be corruption of the highest order- and, with all respect, I cannot do that”

“No offence taken,dear,” Liz replied, “Well, plan B:you abolish me and I shall make all my next 3 Christmas messages(if I last that long: there is already speculation I am actually no more extant)about equality and all that kerfuffle, cuts in pay for top executives; more rights for homosexuals and ethnic minorities: you know, the kind of stuff you bang on about so eloquently. In short, I shall iterate YOUR policies. The public-mainly- listen to me;and you are not getting much traction -let’s be honest- with the Daily Mail or the media generally or those bastard Blairites”

Jeremy succumbed under her fierce charm barrage:”Ok, Ma’am, sorry Liz,go for it!; I shall write the speech, and YOU read it: for Christmas day.”

“Deal”, she said.

 


The conversation ran dry. Just as suddenly as  HRH Queen Elizabeth 11 had transmogrified into Liz, just so did she changed back to her previous regal self; dismissively, she signed for him to leave. And, as a servant, pushed open the vast double door, and as Jeremy walked out, she said:”DID you have that rumoured affair with Diane Abbott in East Germany. I LIKE her; I DO hope so.”

 

 

 

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About decayetude

ENTHUSIASMS: CLASSICAL MUSIC, ESPECIALLY OBSCURE ROMANTIC COMPOSERS; BACH/HANDEL LITERATURE, ESPECIALLY THOUGHTFUL, WELL-WRITTEN(STYLISTICALLY)NOVELS W G SEBALD WALTER BENJAMIN THEODOR ADORNO(JUST BEGINNING!) AESTHETIC PHILOSOPHY GAY MEN'S WRITING;QUEER THEORY STIMULATING DISCUSSIONS(EMOTIONALLY AND INTELLECTUALLY) GOOD RICH THICK ESPRESSO MICHAEL PONTI SPRITUALITY/LIFE'S "AURA"(BENJAMIN), WHATEVER TRANSCENDENTAL THING YOU WANT TO CALL THIS MEMORY-the elusiveness thereof. LOST TIME AND AN ATTEMPT AT ITS REDEMPTION(NON THEISTICALLY/RELIGIOUSLY)
This entry was posted in camp, Jeremy Corbyn, other, Quirky captures, Uncategorized, Utopia, working outside hegemonies. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to REVOLUTION:A FANTASY(OR IS IT?).”Jeremy meets the Queen”: a homage to Catherine Warner’s “Mrs Thatcher’s Secret Diaries”. BY STEVEN BENSON.

  1. decayetude says:

    Thx, Gill; hope u enjoyed! xx

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