LITTLE GREEN BUS, PART 3 (REQUEST STOPS:PART 1). BY STEVEN BENSON

Today,the ubiquitous little green bus, stopping by request at various lamp-posts, as if at unstaffed halts on a mid Wales rural railway,passed the Greenbank Project, where, in, now, it seemed, another life, I had worked (in 1985). Nothing much had (externally) changed, except that it was now the Greenbank College.

Writing tortuously, mirroring the buses own, twisted, doubling-back-on-itself journey,I note, rhizomatically and periphrastically, that I REMEMBER selective events and feelings from that year, thirty years hence. I remember my boss,who, like myself, was openly gay; I remember his moods; I remember that he died-what-15 years ago, aged about 48; I remember saying in a group introduction, “I am Steve and I am gay” (not an “announcement”, as they would purport, but a statement of selfhood which I refuse{d} to be attacked or minimized), and feeling brave and proud about saying this (this was in the midst of the AIDS moral panic); I remember a disabled guy saying “the trouble with you gays….”, unable to link between oppressions; I remember the camaraderie;I remember helping re-house differently-abled people in Mandela House; I remember the lowceilinged room(visible from the bus, now). Commonplace to say: memory is random and selective. But that is what I remember, NOW -about THEN.

——————————————————————-

The little green bus is the link (or emblemizes it) between my past, present and the future, the conduit for my dreams.I realise this as it drops me, today, after these reminiscences,on request, at my new and FUTURE home.

The metaphor and symbol  of the bus and its winding journey is obvious and I have, perhaps, belaboured it; but it is a catalyst to memory and recollection: a sort of more quotidian (and less exquisite!) Proustian madeleine.

Proust argued that memory/recall should be Involuntary rather than forced (voluntary, consciously induced). The bus does just that: it releases, necessarily incomplete, memories and rememberances, naturally and sans force. They just happen as you journey… on the little green, request stop bus.

Advertisements

About decayetude

ENTHUSIASMS: CLASSICAL MUSIC, ESPECIALLY OBSCURE ROMANTIC COMPOSERS; BACH/HANDEL LITERATURE, ESPECIALLY THOUGHTFUL, WELL-WRITTEN(STYLISTICALLY)NOVELS W G SEBALD WALTER BENJAMIN THEODOR ADORNO(JUST BEGINNING!) AESTHETIC PHILOSOPHY GAY MEN'S WRITING;QUEER THEORY STIMULATING DISCUSSIONS(EMOTIONALLY AND INTELLECTUALLY) GOOD RICH THICK ESPRESSO MICHAEL PONTI SPRITUALITY/LIFE'S "AURA"(BENJAMIN), WHATEVER TRANSCENDENTAL THING YOU WANT TO CALL THIS MEMORY-the elusiveness thereof. LOST TIME AND AN ATTEMPT AT ITS REDEMPTION(NON THEISTICALLY/RELIGIOUSLY)
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to LITTLE GREEN BUS, PART 3 (REQUEST STOPS:PART 1). BY STEVEN BENSON

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s