FEAR OF A{N} (INTERNAL)GAY/QUEER(PLANET).BY STEVEN BENSON

[CAVEAT:this is NOT addressed to my friends and allies and the friends and allies of other lgbt people]I have been naive sometimes… I know what is going on, some of the time anyway…{see my previous post on herehttps://towardsutopia.wordpress.com/2013/10/04/poetic-polemic-by-steven-benson/}; its mainly psychological PROJECTON: the only openly gay man(usually) in these situations; people project their OWN insecurities and fears on me; yes, some , not all,are more generically afraid of difference, the unfamiliar, the unknown, the “other” , be it a gay person, a transexual person, someone who is black, even women; but with sexual orientation and identity  (though I am lots more than just a gay man; this should be obvious but often isnt to heterosexist people), i am gradually and depressingly coming to the conclusion that these are people with SPLIT off parts of THEMSELVES; they are DRAWN  to the open, congruent lgbt person, more often than not, because of certain hidden or compartmentalized away parts of themselves; then they grow, accept themselves………….. or they turn on you, to varying degrees.

Some might see this is a “paranoid” analysis(Gosh knows it is enough to make you paranoid so remorseless is it!) but its not; its OBSERVATION of these people over many years. And, yes, there is some mitigation: hegemonic, religious forces have split them apart or co-erced them into hiding parts of their sexuality(I have only to think of the tortured, fractured double life many lgbt clergy live). But I, and other lgbt people who are openly themselves in MANY of their variegated facets(not JUST their sexuality), get this projection repeatedly; they externalise out on to us parts of themselves they can’t deal with. Hence the endless remarks of “why are you always bringing gay into it “et al(even when you arent other than assuming your subjective wholeness; or so what, even if you are:we live in a still, predominantly, heterosexist{sometimes homophobic} state so there is a reason for that insistence of equal recognition). As I said, I am tired of it: work through your stuff and deal with it , sista!

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About decayetude

ENTHUSIASMS: CLASSICAL MUSIC, ESPECIALLY OBSCURE ROMANTIC COMPOSERS; BACH/HANDEL LITERATURE, ESPECIALLY THOUGHTFUL, WELL-WRITTEN(STYLISTICALLY)NOVELS W G SEBALD WALTER BENJAMIN THEODOR ADORNO(JUST BEGINNING!) AESTHETIC PHILOSOPHY GAY MEN'S WRITING;QUEER THEORY STIMULATING DISCUSSIONS(EMOTIONALLY AND INTELLECTUALLY) GOOD RICH THICK ESPRESSO MICHAEL PONTI SPRITUALITY/LIFE'S "AURA"(BENJAMIN), WHATEVER TRANSCENDENTAL THING YOU WANT TO CALL THIS MEMORY-the elusiveness thereof. LOST TIME AND AN ATTEMPT AT ITS REDEMPTION(NON THEISTICALLY/RELIGIOUSLY)
This entry was posted in gay, queer, safer spaces(guidelines), safety for marginalised groups, Self-actualisation, Stream-of-consciousness, working outside hegemonies. Bookmark the permalink.

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