AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL FRAGMENT PART 2:CITY BY THE SEA

City by the sea… city in miniature.. happy… in a way…1978 to 1983…happy till 1981 anyway…Mrs. Rowlands…Mrs. Morgan(and Mr. Morgan DID have an organ!Really!)..seaside landladies…eking out a two month season by taking students for the rest of the year..prog rock coming through the flimsy wall…from my best friend of the time…rudimentary record player on a luggage trunk..”Marvel”.. a shared electric kettle… an orange alarm clock… two and a half years of happiness, in lots of ways…we can be incomplete but still(largely) happy…a university that was a hotel built by Cambrian Railways,with Gothic turrets and labyrinths of passages..Anglo-Saxon(the language) and Beowulf…I always felt at home there…in “Aber”… Aberystwyth..still DO feel at home when I return periodically

This is not fruitless reminiscence but a part of me… Thats all I want to do: re-create a part of me, in my past, but, also, using and adapting  Benjamin’s analogy of “The Angel of History”(forgive the self-grandiloquence), a part of me in the present, because we live in vertical time: not so much a redemption of time(lost) but AN INTEGRATION into time present and future. A happy time: which doesnt mean the present and future are UNhappy, because, in our minds and memories, they are all one. But there was still one piece of the jigsaw missing…my acknowledgement of my sexual orientation; but, no matter, it came-in 1984(finally). Yet, even in 1978 to 1981, I was nevertheless happy, if not quite whole. Hence, this autobiographical fragment in “Towards Utopia”, because, even then, like the one-track railway from Shrewsbury to Aber(via Machynlleth and Cyffordd Dyfi), I was getting there………(to be continued-sometime!)

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About decayetude

ENTHUSIASMS: CLASSICAL MUSIC, ESPECIALLY OBSCURE ROMANTIC COMPOSERS; BACH/HANDEL LITERATURE, ESPECIALLY THOUGHTFUL, WELL-WRITTEN(STYLISTICALLY)NOVELS W G SEBALD WALTER BENJAMIN THEODOR ADORNO(JUST BEGINNING!) AESTHETIC PHILOSOPHY GAY MEN'S WRITING;QUEER THEORY STIMULATING DISCUSSIONS(EMOTIONALLY AND INTELLECTUALLY) GOOD RICH THICK ESPRESSO MICHAEL PONTI SPRITUALITY/LIFE'S "AURA"(BENJAMIN), WHATEVER TRANSCENDENTAL THING YOU WANT TO CALL THIS MEMORY-the elusiveness thereof. LOST TIME AND AN ATTEMPT AT ITS REDEMPTION(NON THEISTICALLY/RELIGIOUSLY)
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